


looking too closely

by ellixtpage (orphan_account)



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Rain, Unrequited Love, Weddings, like itll probably make you laugh but cry at the same time, well depends on how you define happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28235850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ellixtpage
Summary: "Put your arms around somebody else, and don't punish yourself."It takes Shorter 0.25 seconds after Ash utters his first words to him to decide that he wants to hear that voice for the rest of his life.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Shorter Wong
Comments: 11
Kudos: 32





	looking too closely

**Author's Note:**

> pj officially gave me unrequited shorash brainrot so i am really just THROWING shorash at u... anyways i hope u enjoy

Shorter's not sure if there's anyone in the world who knows him better than Ash.

He knows about the time he stole from the grocery store down the street once when he was nine. He wishes he could say it was just something small, like a pack of napkins, but who the fuck buys napkins? No, Shorter shoplifted three different bags of chips, two cans of soup (the kind he doesn't even like), a random stuffed elephant, one of those weird braided bracelets, _and_ napkins. All shoved into his backpack in the Walmart bathroom, and when he walked out, all he felt was euphoria.

It was strange. Shorter wouldn't consider himself to be a kleptomaniac, and he didn't shoplift anything that big ever again after that, but the rush it gave him was unmatched. 

At least until he became friends with Ash.

They met in juvie; Shorter can't remember exactly how he got put in there, if he's honest. Probably a fight with some idiot at school, punches thrown, and- okay, yeah, he does remember it, but only when he focuses on it. It's just another temporary thing in his life. Something that happened and yet, the world continued spinning. Time doesn't stop for anyone, not even for kids in middle school with anger issues who punch anyone who makes the slightest offensive comment. That thought bothers him more than he thinks it should.

When he met Ash in juvie, the blonde didn't talk to him at first. Didn't smile, didn't meet his eyes- save for the few times he glared at Shorter- just watched and scowled and showed he hated Shorter. And so the first time he ever spoke, when he insulted him, Shorter watched his mouth carefully. 

He decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life hearing that voice. Watching those lips. Viewing his small smirk. He hated how lovely he was.

When he told Ash the story, he watched his expression carefully. Shorter liked to think he had the strange ability to see what someone really thought when he told them something, but either Ash was an exception, or he was truly ecstatic to hear the story because he smiled and told him that he could steal more.

Shorter had returned the expression and rolled his eyes, telling Ash that was totally not true and he would love to test that theory. They never got the chance to once they got out, but Shorter remembers it every time the sky is missing a star and the moon is shining just a bit brighter than usual.

They're on the swings one evening.

Well, 'evening' is a kind word; it's way after the sun has set, probably sometime around 2 in the morning, darkness coating the sky and littering it with stars. Shorter doesn't think he's ever seen so many stars in the sky, but out here in the middle of the woods where the air pollution isn't quite as bad, they're much easier to see. 

Once the duo discovers an abandoned playground, complete with rusty swings that Shorter admits he's terrified of breaking, Ash immediately runs for them and gets a good start on swinging through the air. He flies so high, Shorter almost thinks for a moment that he might flip over completely, but he stops and laughs for Shorter to join him.

"Are you insane?" He snorts. "I'll break this stupid thing."

Ash shakes his head, still laughing, and the sound makes Shorter's chest feel light, free, and warm. It echoes through the woods and lands in his brain, the sound imprinted in his mind. "You won't, dude, I swear! This thing isn't as unstable as it looks."

Hesitantly, Shorter groans and hops onto the swing, yelping as soon as he does. "Dude, this is wet!" He yells, and it's then that he notices the dark clouds covering the sky and the tiny droplets falling onto his head. "Oh my god, I'm gonna kill you- This is my best pair of jeans! Nadia just bought them for me!"

"Maybe you should've thought about that before sitting on a swing set when it's raining," Ash says teasingly. "Start swinging! That's the whole point of swings!" Shorter, still mildly uncomfortable from his jeans, gets a good start and swings up into the air. The rain continues to come down, much harsher until it's practically pouring and seeping into his hair, sticking it to his forehead. 

But Ash is laughing, smiling, even, the biggest grin Shorter's even seen plastered across his face. He watches as Ash flies into the air and stares up at the sky, rocking the rusty swingset, looking like he's in another world even. Perhaps it's in that moment that Shorter falls in love with him, his heart soaring, a laugh escaping his mouth.

And then the entire swingset topples over.

It's when Ash swings just a bit _too_ hard and the whole thing falls backward, Shorter screaming as his back hits the woodchips and a groan escapes him. Ash just continues laughing, clutching his stomach as he tries to calm down, the rain still pouring down. Pretty soon, Shorter can't help but laugh too, as if the pain in his back doesn't exist and all that matters at that moment is Ash's happiness.

Once he's calmed himself, he turns to Shorter. His blonde hair is soaked; Shorter can barely see him due to the fact that he's blinking rapidly from the rain coming down. He's got woodchips in his hair, his white shirt is basically gray, and his knees are bent slightly. But he's smiling, and Shorter is too. "Dude! That was fucking awesome!"

Shorter snorts. "It was," he agrees softly, mesmerized by Ash's eyes. "Not so awesome that you knocked this whole goddamn thing over, though," he adds playfully.

"Eh, nobody's gonna care," he says. Neither one stands. The rain quiets, softens until it's become nothing but a pitter-patter sound and Shorter can blink normally once again. He forces himself to tear his eyes away from Ash, scared that if he looks any longer, he might actually fall in love with his best friend.

"I sure hope so," Shorter mumbles as he stares at the sky. His back aches, but the adrenaline from the moment helps lessen the pain a bit. "Wow. I didn't think it was possible for there to be so many stars in the sky."

"There are about one billion trillion stars in the galaxy," Ash says quietly. "That's twenty-one zeros. All out there, and that's just for our galaxy. The sun is a star, too," he continues, sounding fascinated. Shorter goes quiet, and he hears Ash shuffle a bit. "Griffin told me that when he took me camping once. I asked if the stars were planets, and he laughed and told me what a star is."

Shorter nods against the woodchips. "That's insane. That there are so many stars, and we're... We're nothing compared to them. Just tiny little specks in the universe."

"Just a whole bunch of atoms," Ash says. He laughs lightly. "But humans make their own purpose and destiny. Turn ourselves into more than just atoms."

"I wish I was a star," Shorter says, tracing his finger along a few to make some sort of shape even he can't identify. 

"No, you don't. Stars are constantly exploding."

"Hey, that could be fun!" Shorter argues. He can practically hear Ash rolling his eyes.

"Alright, buddy, have fun with that," he jokes. Shorter just laughs in response, and the night goes quiet, only the soft breeze of the wind filling their ears and the occasional sound of woodchips moving when Ash adjusts his position. And even though his jeans are soaked, his back hurts like a bitch, and there's a broken swing set behind him, it just might be the best moment of his life, all because Ash is laying next to him.

Eiji arrives when the leaves have finished falling, announcing the end of autumn as the first snow of the year coats New York in white. He's quiet and shy, has really small hands with clean nails that Shorter begs to paint (Eiji always excitedly says yes and gives Shorter his hand), and a concerning amount of cozy sweaters. Shorter isn't exactly complaining, though, because Eiji lets him borrow his turtlenecks sometimes.

The hangouts that used to consist of just him and Ash (sometimes Sing, if he wasn't busy failing all his classes), quickly begin to consist of the three of them. And Eiji made good company; he was funny, intelligent, and had a soft voice and a kind smile. Shorter might be jealous if he didn't love him so much.

"So how did it go with that girl from your class?" Shorter asks as he takes a small sip from his scorching hot coffee. It burns his tongue, and he winces.

"Ugh! It was awful. Don't even ask," Eiji frowns as the three of them walk down the street as snow falls gently onto the pavement. 

Ash warms his hands on his cup of coffee. "Really? What happened?"

"Well, she asked me for coffee, so I said yes. And nobody told me coffee means a date, so, thanks, guys!" Ash tries to mask his laughter, and Shorter just smiles against his coffee cup. "She tried to kiss me, and I yelled that I was gay, and she asked if I was kidding and started crying, and then I felt _really_ bad so I just ran away."

"Dude, you're kidding right?" Shorter asks while Ash practically cries with laughter. Eiji shakes his head, cheeks turning bright red. "Oh my god, that's awful, but also fucking hilarious."

Eiji glares at him. "Yeah, so funny!" He retorts sarcastically while Ash calms himself down and fishes his phone out of his pocket when it buzzes. Shorter and Eiji bicker like ten-year-olds before Ash interrupts them.

"Hey, fourth graders!" They both go quiet, looking at Ash. "There's a party down the block. Sing and Yut-Lung are already there; you down?"

"Aww, I thought we were watching shitty Hallmark movies tonight," Shorter complains. Eiji nods vigorously in agreement. 

"Eiji's never been to a party, though, and you've gotta go to at least _one_ before the school year ends!" Ash argues.

Eiji blinks. "It's December."

"Come on! Party time! Please?" Ash asks, and after Shorter sighs heavily and rolls his eyes, he nods. Eiji does the same, and the three of them practically sprint down the street to the party (though Eiji yells about how dangerous running on ice is the entire way).

Shorter isn't sure how exactly it all goes down, but eight whole drinks of Yut-Lung's expensive wine later and he's sitting in a circle playing spin-the-bottle with a few of his friends.

He's played this game too many times to count, and it's always better when it's with people you know (Alex still never shuts up about the time Shorter bit his lip hard enough to draw blood when they played in seventh grade), so of course, he agrees to play the game. 

Sing spins it first; it lands on Yut-Lung, who almost refuses until Sing calls him a coward, and Yut-Lung Lee will _not_ stand to be called a coward, so he quickly kisses Sing. He turns red and the entire group teases him until Sing gets bored and decides to choose another person to spin.

Spin the bottle, while fun with friends, becoming increasingly more boring with time, Shorter notices. He's kissed everyone here, except Ash and Eiji and Sing (and he has no desire to kiss any of them. Well, maybe except for Ash, but no, he can't think that way about his best friend), which makes the game feel worn out and bad.

Yet when it gets to his turn and he spins, his heart jolts, his clouded, drunk, mind, suddenly feeling entirely sober when it lands on Ash.

He stares at him. Ash stares back, green eyes boring through Shorter's sunglasses. Shorter laughs awkwardly, waiting for Ash to pick up his cup and take a shot instead of kissing him, but the blonde just shrugs and comes closer. His face sits inches away from Shorters and he smiles, bringing a hand up to cup Shorter's face as he presses his lips against his. 

Shorter thought he felt alive two years ago when the swingset broke, but it's nothing like this moment. Ash's lips are soft; his breath is minty, but his lips taste like cherry. He pulls away after what feels like hours, but is really only around three seconds, and gives Shorter a small smile. And just like that, the game continues; Shorter watches Ash, trying to see if he felt the spark the same way he did, but his eyes are empty. Nothing but broken emeralds and a cold soul.

It hurts, he thinks, when Eiji spins the bottle and it lands on Ash, and Ash lights up in a way Shorter has never seen before. He's never looked like that when he's with Shorter. Not when he told him about the shoplifting incident, not when they broke the swings, not when they went ice skating that one time years ago- never.

But he closes his eyes and watches Ash's lips collide with Eiji's anyway. He watches as they both pull away after far too many seconds and their eyes flutter open slowly, as if afraid to let the moment pass. He sees Ash's emerald eyes become a lighter shade of green. Alive. Full.

His heart hurts.

Shorter wakes up in his room five years later, a cold breeze blowing through a window he doesn't remember leaving open. He rubs his eyes tiredly and glances around the room; it's bright. When he checks his phone, it's around two PM in the afternoon, and he groans, a headache spinning around the inside of his brain. 

He has a few missed texts from Ash, and he swipes open his phone, squinting at the words.

His heart stops. 

He has to read the message a few times over and over for it to truly sink in that it's real, he's not dreaming, and this has actually happened.

_From: Ash  
DUDE I PROPOSED TO EIJI ANDHE SAID YES OH MY GOD OHMYGOD_

Shorter feels something warm and wet escape his eye. He's not sure which one the tear comes out of, but his vision blurs as he types out a response to the energetic text.

_From: Me  
dude that's so awesome!!! i'm so happy for you_

He feels like he's playing spin-the-bottle again from many years ago, just a dumb adolescent boy without a worry, taking everything for granted and falling in love with someone who doesn't want him.

The wedding is small and very few people are invited, but that's to expect from Ash, one of the most secretive people Shorter knows. He was asked to be his best man, so the morning of the wedding, Shorter puts on his best suit and tie and exits out the door of his home, feeling numb, brain on autopilot.

He doesn't remember the wedding very well; Ash and Eiji hug him when he enters, both smiling wide and looking the happiest he's ever seen them. Eiji comments that he doesn't look like he's been sleeping; Shorter reassures him that he's just been busy and he's fine. Ash doesn't eye him carefully the way he used to, always able to tell when Shorter's lying, just accepts the lie and smiles at his fiancé instead of looking at Shorter.

They exchange vows while Shorter stands to the side watching. They put rings on eachothers fingers and the smile on Ash's face is bigger than any smile he's ever had when he was with him. When they kiss, he looks away, almost as if not seeing it won't make it true. 

A few minutes later, he's sitting on the stairs of the chapel by himself, playing around with a coin in his fingers, staring at it blankly. A soft breeze blows through his hair, which he really needs to touch-up, but he's found it hard to do much of anything the past few days.

"'Scuse me, mister, are you sad?" A voice asks, and Shorter turns around to see Max's son, Michael, standing there playing with his hands nervously. Shorter gives him a small smile and shakes his head.

"No, Michael, I'm okay," he responds.

Michael blinks. "That's what my mommy says before arguing with my dad," he says. "Do you wanna tell me about it?"

Shorter shakes his head. "No, that's okay, kid."

Michael still looks hesitant, and suddenly opens his arms. "Okay. Do you want a hug? Hugs make me feel better when I'm sad. My dad gives me hugs when I lose against him in football and says 'I'll go easy on you next time!' but he never does."

Shorter laughs lightly as he nods and says, "sure, Michael." Michael gives him a small hug, and Shorter pulls away after a moment.

"Do you feel better?" He asks curiously.

"I sure do. Thanks, kid," Shorter responds.

"Okay, good, because you owe me now. I wanna dye my hair just like you. You've gotta convince my dad." Shorter laughs again, and he's almost surprised at himself, finding so much humor on a day that hurts him deeply. 

But as he stares at the chapel, talking to this poor eight-year-old who totally used him just to get his hair done, he feels like he'll be okay one day. A soft breeze blows through his hair. He remembers the swings, he remembers Ash soaring, and he decides that he doesn't need cherry lips or minty breath. He'll figure it out.

And he lets that thought carry him.

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed feel free to leave a comment i love getting feedback!!!!
> 
> here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ENBYKODZUKEN) if you wanna yell at me or be friends idk


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